Tomorrow morning is a big event. It’s the 20 week scan. That (for the people who don’t know – but I suspect that most of you reading this will) is when they do a full diagnostic scan, checking that everything is growing and developing ok. It’s scary – I think there are a few things flowing through our minds, worrying us briefly from time to time. The odd thoughts of “hang on, what if something’s wrong?” crop up and so all the excitement so far has really been for everyone else and a bit muted for us. It’s all so big, all so looming, important and well, honestly really humbling that we’re trying not to get too excited until after this scan.
So tomorrow is the real start, the proper beginning of the journey. The scary, thrilling and huge journey that we never expected to be on, but are so happy and really and truly grateful to get the chance. Off for a nervous night's sleep then.
Oh, and I’d like to make sure this is on the record too: “I’m a major panic merchant” – Nikki. I just may need it for future reference…
Monday, May 30, 2005
Thursday, May 26, 2005
What Would Jesus Wear?
I’m a bit confused about the current rumpus about hoodies and caps and people who wear them in shopping centres.
If you're not sure what I'm talking about, go here
Bluewater banned them from being worn in the centre to help with their campaign against crime and anti-social behaviour because the people doing all of this tend to wear hoods and caps to obscure their faces from the CCTV cameras. I think that, as a principle, is quite sensible. The media gets hold of this story and mysteriously, the words youth, children, young people/thugs etc begin appearing in headlines. Even The Children’s Society got involved and said it was "blatant discrimination based on stereotypes and prejudices".
I find this, above all, is the most confusing thing of it all. There was no mention of an age-range being targeted in all of this until the story was grabbed by the media.
There is an issue of respect which still needs addressing, and not the way round people seem to think it should be – if adults want respect from young people, then they have to give respect. The stereotypes the Children’s Society refer to come from people not bothering to find out either why some of the young people behave the way they do and see if there’s a way to help change that, or even just to talk to some young people and realise that a hoodie and a cap doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll beat you up or shout at you across the street.
Tony Blair has been talking about “fostering a culture of respect” in the country, and immediately people jumped on it and turned it all towards young people. Hypocrisy will do nothing to raise respect.
Listening to Radio 5 Live last week during my lunch break meant I got to hear an interview Simon Mayo did with a couple of teenagers in Birmingham, I think it was. They pointed straight at one of the problems (just as young people always seem to be able to), and said that they don’t really feel like they should have respect for teachers, because they have no respect for the kids.
I would like to believe that the majority of people would rather give others the benefit of the doubt when they see how they look and assume they were good people rather than “yobs” (for example). But I think the culture of fear that has been so carefully nurtured in Western Countries – the same culture which has some spouting a lot of things they don’t really understand about refugees and immigrants, and supporting the war in Iraq, just to quote a couple of examples – has ended up with us turning in on “our own”, as it were, and now the younger generations are a feared group in our society. It’s far too easy to scapegoat young people and not bother looking for the real roots and causes of the problems.
I took the Bluewater ban to be a rather practical measure – and if the only inconvenience it will make to people’s lives is that they have to wear another jumper when they go shopping, then I really can’t understand what the fuss is all about.
“Fostering a culture of respect” is great soundbite politics. But where the media lets down its readers/viewers most times – at least in the publications and programmes which don’t go into great depth about a lot of the issues – is that there is a meaning behind all of this. One big problem with politics in this country (there are many others), is that the soundbites are outweighing the substance. It’s easier to quote a nice, succinct sentence in headlines, news reports and so on than it is to go a bit deeper and report what the soundbite means.
There are young people who give others a bad name. I think everyone accepts this. But simple faith in humankind should tell us that there are others out there who aren’t so bad. Every generation has “black sheep”, and the young generations are no different at all. But where they are different is the treatment they get.
I would far rather see youth workers and activities aimed at the young people visiting the centre being what the money is spent on rather than having more police based there or imposing dress codes which, let’s face it, only antagonise and aggravate. Why does the solution always have to be negative? It may prove to be effective, and it may not – that remains to be seen, but until then a larger wedge is pushed into the generation gaps in a bid to halt crime (and if you look at statistics, crimes committed by children between the ages of 10 and 17 went down by nearly 40,000 – or about 26% between 1992 and 2002).
It is depressing that the media can add just one or two words, and a lot of work done by good youth workers trying to put together links between generations can be lost in one go.
Come to think of it, it’s depressing that the media can get away with it all.
And for the record, I think Jesus would probably be wearing a hoodie too.
If you're not sure what I'm talking about, go here
Bluewater banned them from being worn in the centre to help with their campaign against crime and anti-social behaviour because the people doing all of this tend to wear hoods and caps to obscure their faces from the CCTV cameras. I think that, as a principle, is quite sensible. The media gets hold of this story and mysteriously, the words youth, children, young people/thugs etc begin appearing in headlines. Even The Children’s Society got involved and said it was "blatant discrimination based on stereotypes and prejudices".
I find this, above all, is the most confusing thing of it all. There was no mention of an age-range being targeted in all of this until the story was grabbed by the media.
There is an issue of respect which still needs addressing, and not the way round people seem to think it should be – if adults want respect from young people, then they have to give respect. The stereotypes the Children’s Society refer to come from people not bothering to find out either why some of the young people behave the way they do and see if there’s a way to help change that, or even just to talk to some young people and realise that a hoodie and a cap doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll beat you up or shout at you across the street.
Tony Blair has been talking about “fostering a culture of respect” in the country, and immediately people jumped on it and turned it all towards young people. Hypocrisy will do nothing to raise respect.
Listening to Radio 5 Live last week during my lunch break meant I got to hear an interview Simon Mayo did with a couple of teenagers in Birmingham, I think it was. They pointed straight at one of the problems (just as young people always seem to be able to), and said that they don’t really feel like they should have respect for teachers, because they have no respect for the kids.
I would like to believe that the majority of people would rather give others the benefit of the doubt when they see how they look and assume they were good people rather than “yobs” (for example). But I think the culture of fear that has been so carefully nurtured in Western Countries – the same culture which has some spouting a lot of things they don’t really understand about refugees and immigrants, and supporting the war in Iraq, just to quote a couple of examples – has ended up with us turning in on “our own”, as it were, and now the younger generations are a feared group in our society. It’s far too easy to scapegoat young people and not bother looking for the real roots and causes of the problems.
I took the Bluewater ban to be a rather practical measure – and if the only inconvenience it will make to people’s lives is that they have to wear another jumper when they go shopping, then I really can’t understand what the fuss is all about.
“Fostering a culture of respect” is great soundbite politics. But where the media lets down its readers/viewers most times – at least in the publications and programmes which don’t go into great depth about a lot of the issues – is that there is a meaning behind all of this. One big problem with politics in this country (there are many others), is that the soundbites are outweighing the substance. It’s easier to quote a nice, succinct sentence in headlines, news reports and so on than it is to go a bit deeper and report what the soundbite means.
There are young people who give others a bad name. I think everyone accepts this. But simple faith in humankind should tell us that there are others out there who aren’t so bad. Every generation has “black sheep”, and the young generations are no different at all. But where they are different is the treatment they get.
I would far rather see youth workers and activities aimed at the young people visiting the centre being what the money is spent on rather than having more police based there or imposing dress codes which, let’s face it, only antagonise and aggravate. Why does the solution always have to be negative? It may prove to be effective, and it may not – that remains to be seen, but until then a larger wedge is pushed into the generation gaps in a bid to halt crime (and if you look at statistics, crimes committed by children between the ages of 10 and 17 went down by nearly 40,000 – or about 26% between 1992 and 2002).
It is depressing that the media can add just one or two words, and a lot of work done by good youth workers trying to put together links between generations can be lost in one go.
Come to think of it, it’s depressing that the media can get away with it all.
And for the record, I think Jesus would probably be wearing a hoodie too.
The adventure so far
Well, it’s nearly a month since we found out about Nikki’s pregnancy, and I think our heads are more or less understanding what’s going on. Getting to grips with the fact that in October we’re going to be a family, and I am going to be a daddy, is like trying to grasp hold of an oily pipe – every time I think I have it in my grasp, it slips away with a clang…!
It’s mind-blowing. And it’s likely to become even more mind-blowing.
My prayers are becoming more of a daily pondering session. So far my reactions have been a little varied. There has been more smiling than anything else, I’m pleased to announce, but there have been plenty of everything else for my own tastes. But I am exhausted. Every emotion possible has flowed through me over the last three/four weeks, and I’m very happy – especially now that people know what’s happening, I think – but I am having to go home and sleep early, rather than spending most of my time with Nik (and the bump). That sounds a bit like a children’s book title – “Nik and the Bump”…
It’s a shame, but I’m reliably being told to get as much sleep as I can now, because it’ll be very difficult when the baby’s born. I can well believe that, too. Although at least there’ll be a reason for not sleeping, and the reason is more than worthwhile.
I have to admit, there’s an amazing sense of God about all of this. It’s amazing on so many different levels. It’s an honour to have the chance to bring someone else into the world. It’s amazing that the child growing at the moment even got this far, seeing as there were more obstacles in their way than the Royal Marines would put up with on an assault course.
There are too many things about their not-so-distant arrival which brings my heart into my mouth and makes me want to grin from ear to ear and dance round shouting for joy!
And in all this, I’m aware that I feel more touched by God than ever before.
OK, so Nik and I were hoping to get married before we thought about children – and I’m not sure how much of a thought we would have had, seeing as she had been told that children were not possible a couple of years back. So this has shocked us, and caught us rather off guard, but to be honest, we wanted to make a commitment to each other before the shock, and this really only prompted us to get up and tell people about that!
Reactions of people I’ve told have been a bit surprising too. If I am honest, the reaction of others was the one thing that nagged at me – I wasn’t sure how some would take the news, I think. But the response has been really positive and really supportive, on the whole. A couple of people have been rather shocked and haven’t said a lot, but most have been shocked to start with (they’re two huge pieces of news, and telling them together is a bit of a double-whammy!) and then got quite excited about it all. Which is great.
The babysitting offers have already started, and I have a feeling there are a lot of friends thinking of buying lots of baby things for us – which is nice, but a bit odd to me. I have never come across a situation where there are so many people being obsessed with something someone else is going to get that they start trying to help out. Not that I would complain about this – money is tight enough for us to be eternally grateful for everything we are given, or are helped with. I just hope it doesn’t all get out of hand to the point that we can’t have the joy of buying stuff for the baby because someone else has got it all! That’s very selfish, but I think it’s something we’re looking forward to!
There are two other things that bug me about pregnancy. The first is trains and especially in London rush-hours. No-one gives up their seat for a pregnant woman these days. I have heard that it was quite common, but since I have been working up here, I have not seen it happen once. There are still a few nice people around who’ll move up to give more room or swap seats so we can sit together, but otherwise they all seem to just retreat into their Metros or their Evening Standards and ignore anyone getting on. That’s quite a sad state to find the world in. And I find it amazing that people in suits seem to quite resent spending a relatively short time standing to help someone else who needs the seat more than them. What am I saying – first rule of business – if you have a suit, you rule. No-one else exists.
The second, which I admit hasn’t happened to Nikki (yet), is the obsession non-pregnant women seem to have with the bump. I mean, if somebody is willing to just wander up to a pregnant woman on the tube, start stroking her stomach and asking questions about when its due, I think you should be allowed to cut their arms off.
Maybe it’s just me, and I am pretty protective of my personal space in places like that, but it seems like an outrageous invasion of privacy. And it guarantees that everyone else on the train will look at the bump-stroker in confused horror...
Why do people feel the need to do it? It’s probably some kind of sexual assault if a man does it, so why can't we insist that these people train for years in midwifery or something?
Maybe people just want to share the joy... But its just such an odd way of doing that!
It’s mind-blowing. And it’s likely to become even more mind-blowing.
My prayers are becoming more of a daily pondering session. So far my reactions have been a little varied. There has been more smiling than anything else, I’m pleased to announce, but there have been plenty of everything else for my own tastes. But I am exhausted. Every emotion possible has flowed through me over the last three/four weeks, and I’m very happy – especially now that people know what’s happening, I think – but I am having to go home and sleep early, rather than spending most of my time with Nik (and the bump). That sounds a bit like a children’s book title – “Nik and the Bump”…
It’s a shame, but I’m reliably being told to get as much sleep as I can now, because it’ll be very difficult when the baby’s born. I can well believe that, too. Although at least there’ll be a reason for not sleeping, and the reason is more than worthwhile.
I have to admit, there’s an amazing sense of God about all of this. It’s amazing on so many different levels. It’s an honour to have the chance to bring someone else into the world. It’s amazing that the child growing at the moment even got this far, seeing as there were more obstacles in their way than the Royal Marines would put up with on an assault course.
There are too many things about their not-so-distant arrival which brings my heart into my mouth and makes me want to grin from ear to ear and dance round shouting for joy!
And in all this, I’m aware that I feel more touched by God than ever before.
OK, so Nik and I were hoping to get married before we thought about children – and I’m not sure how much of a thought we would have had, seeing as she had been told that children were not possible a couple of years back. So this has shocked us, and caught us rather off guard, but to be honest, we wanted to make a commitment to each other before the shock, and this really only prompted us to get up and tell people about that!
Reactions of people I’ve told have been a bit surprising too. If I am honest, the reaction of others was the one thing that nagged at me – I wasn’t sure how some would take the news, I think. But the response has been really positive and really supportive, on the whole. A couple of people have been rather shocked and haven’t said a lot, but most have been shocked to start with (they’re two huge pieces of news, and telling them together is a bit of a double-whammy!) and then got quite excited about it all. Which is great.
The babysitting offers have already started, and I have a feeling there are a lot of friends thinking of buying lots of baby things for us – which is nice, but a bit odd to me. I have never come across a situation where there are so many people being obsessed with something someone else is going to get that they start trying to help out. Not that I would complain about this – money is tight enough for us to be eternally grateful for everything we are given, or are helped with. I just hope it doesn’t all get out of hand to the point that we can’t have the joy of buying stuff for the baby because someone else has got it all! That’s very selfish, but I think it’s something we’re looking forward to!
There are two other things that bug me about pregnancy. The first is trains and especially in London rush-hours. No-one gives up their seat for a pregnant woman these days. I have heard that it was quite common, but since I have been working up here, I have not seen it happen once. There are still a few nice people around who’ll move up to give more room or swap seats so we can sit together, but otherwise they all seem to just retreat into their Metros or their Evening Standards and ignore anyone getting on. That’s quite a sad state to find the world in. And I find it amazing that people in suits seem to quite resent spending a relatively short time standing to help someone else who needs the seat more than them. What am I saying – first rule of business – if you have a suit, you rule. No-one else exists.
The second, which I admit hasn’t happened to Nikki (yet), is the obsession non-pregnant women seem to have with the bump. I mean, if somebody is willing to just wander up to a pregnant woman on the tube, start stroking her stomach and asking questions about when its due, I think you should be allowed to cut their arms off.
Maybe it’s just me, and I am pretty protective of my personal space in places like that, but it seems like an outrageous invasion of privacy. And it guarantees that everyone else on the train will look at the bump-stroker in confused horror...
Why do people feel the need to do it? It’s probably some kind of sexual assault if a man does it, so why can't we insist that these people train for years in midwifery or something?
Maybe people just want to share the joy... But its just such an odd way of doing that!
Purposes...
Welcome to the blog...
Just to clarify something before I start, I have no idea where all this will go. But I want to chart the progress of the next few months/maybe years somewhere, as well as get up to a few other things, so a blog seemed the most natural place to start!
This'll probably end up being a rather eclectic mix of everything that makes up my life - writing, youthwork, music, campaigning, comedy, faith (I hesitate to use the word religion, because I don't like what that implies), and of course, the looming event which will force me to grow up once and for all - the start of a family.
I wanted to start it now because it's a unique time in my life - we're a little under five months away from finding out what the little person growing steadily inside Nikki's womb will be like, and it also sees the start of a project for me, which will come up again later on in the blog, which I am hoping will prove too much for just me and more people will become involved.
My background, briefly, is this - I live on the green edges of South East London. I am a civil servant, currently working for DCMS, and am engaged to Nikki.
I worship in Orpington, at St Johns United Reformed Church, and am a volunteer youth worker for both them and Christ Church Petts Wood.
I'm 25 - well, 26 in about two weeks, and at the moment, living at home with my parents and brother. But that is going to change, because despite all the obstacles, Nikki is expecting our first child in October, so the world seems to be turning a bit faster than I can cope with at the moment!
Thankfully it's all good news though!
Well, that's something about me. Enjoy the blog.
Just to clarify something before I start, I have no idea where all this will go. But I want to chart the progress of the next few months/maybe years somewhere, as well as get up to a few other things, so a blog seemed the most natural place to start!
This'll probably end up being a rather eclectic mix of everything that makes up my life - writing, youthwork, music, campaigning, comedy, faith (I hesitate to use the word religion, because I don't like what that implies), and of course, the looming event which will force me to grow up once and for all - the start of a family.
I wanted to start it now because it's a unique time in my life - we're a little under five months away from finding out what the little person growing steadily inside Nikki's womb will be like, and it also sees the start of a project for me, which will come up again later on in the blog, which I am hoping will prove too much for just me and more people will become involved.
My background, briefly, is this - I live on the green edges of South East London. I am a civil servant, currently working for DCMS, and am engaged to Nikki.
I worship in Orpington, at St Johns United Reformed Church, and am a volunteer youth worker for both them and Christ Church Petts Wood.
I'm 25 - well, 26 in about two weeks, and at the moment, living at home with my parents and brother. But that is going to change, because despite all the obstacles, Nikki is expecting our first child in October, so the world seems to be turning a bit faster than I can cope with at the moment!
Thankfully it's all good news though!
Well, that's something about me. Enjoy the blog.
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