The Ways of the Jungle

I do not claim to be a fashionable person, nor am I a considerably talented social observer. But I am a harrassed office worker in London, amongst other things. I have decided that I should keep a log of some of the rules, laws, annoyances etc that dominate my life as a reluctant commuter.

1.Unless you are an athlete or other sporty person, vests are not meant to be worn without something over the top.

2.The phrase "that's not a skirt, it's a belt", is not a compliment. Even when it's said by someone's dad. And it's usually accompanied by a grimace of disgust. There is a reason for this.

3.Baseball caps. Good idea in sunshine. But not when you are in a suit. Or it is cloudy.

4.Briefcases, I'm fairly sure, were not made to be used as battering rams.

5.Walking behind some people in London is like waiting to die.

6.Escalators only carry you up the stairs. You have to start walking once you reach the top.

7.Standing in front of empty seats is a VERY annoying habit.

8.If you watch some of the sharp-suited businessmen walking down Charing Cross Road, there is always one who studies female bottoms as they pass, and he is usually going to be the one who walks into the lamppost or stop traffic because they've just wandered out into the road. One day something will hit... (hopefully)

9.If you are going to make other people listen to what you've got on your personal stereo, make sure it's something good and not Girls Aloud...

10.People who are grinning maniacally at you on the train are probably not mad, and are probably not planning to fillet you like a big piece of Cod, they are probably just listening to Terry Wogan.

11.When did tracksuit bottoms become acceptable clothing to go out in?

12.Velour tracksuits. Why? And why is it always the larger people that wear them? Do they not realise what they look like? (OK, so stupid question...)

13.Deodorant is like gold dust on trains.

14.T-shirts and blazers. They don't go together. I mean, come on - even Busted got that right, and I... didn't really like them much.

15.People who read while they are walking, particularly in stations, are the ones who are likely to walk into someone or something. (I saw this a few weeks ago. And I am ashamed to say I felt rather smug...)

I will be back with more of these sometime!