New Intentions and weddings...

I realise that I've been lax at updating this blog in particular. I never meant it to be a regular weekly update or anything, but certainly more frequent than I've managed. So now I'm going to try and concentrate. I'll put down thoughts and beliefs - I'll even try to rationalise what I've been thinking. I'll talk about music, comedy, books. All that I think about in day-to-day life... So that includes Nikki and Luke (my little family, for those who don't know).

As a bit of background, the last two weeks have made me rather thoughtful (when time has allowed) - Nik was rushed to A&E with appendicitis Tuesday before last and was operated on the evening after. She was then kept in (despite the doctor's wishes) until Friday evening. But that's meant that most, if not all, of the caring for Luke has been done by me while she's been in hospital and at home, recuperating from the op. And I've loved it. Not the fact that Nik's been in a lot of pain and has to rest a lot, obviously, but spending so much time with Luke and Nik is wonderful...

It has not been easy. Not by a long chalk. Looking after a toddler would never be anything but that, but its been enjoyable. Something in me completely enjoys the running around and keeping busy - and it does mean that any time I get to sit and just think is either taken up by a sneaky reading session, or by working out solutions to something that hasn't quite gone as planned instead of leading me down a dark and depressing path!

And that's made me think about who I am. I'd be foolish to ignore the fact that I've made plenty of mistakes, and even plenty since Luke was born, but I have been pretty lucky with how those mistakes have turned out, I think. So far, anyway. Learning the hard way is not pleasant. But then, its also the only sure-fire way to make sure I get the message, for some reason...

I went to my brother Paul's wedding on Saturday. It was a very strange day for me (so I can't imagine what it would have been like for him, or mum and dad...) but not for any bad reasons. I always thought that out of the two of us, I would be the first to get married. Not because I think I'm better looking or that I find it easier to get someone to go out with me because the first is completely relative and the second false... But because I always seemed to be the more likely. Things didn't work out that way, and I think its for the best. If I was married before now, I think it would have been a mistake - I haven't quite managed to sort out what to do with myself in the grown-up world, let alone what to do as part of a couple, or even part of a little family...! He does seem more sorted for what he wants to do.

So on Saturday, I was very proud. For all the hostilities between us over the years, for all the petty arguments and silly dislikes, he's a good brother. And sitting in the church we grew up in, watching him marry the woman he loves was a very nice way to pass an afternoon.

Brought back a few nice nostalgic thoughts, and reminded me of the song that always reminds me of him - "Disembodied Voices" by Neil and Tim Finn:

Talking with my brother
When the lights went out
Down the hallway
Forty years ago

And what became much harder
Was so easy then
Opening up and letting go

Disembodied voices
Floating in the air
This place in the darkness
Could be anywhere

Talking to each other
As we wait for sleep
The angel in the detail
Soon arrives

Spreading her wings over
Every memory
And keeping all our hopes alive

Disembodied voices
Floating in the air
This place in the darkness
Could be anywhere

We all made our choices
Let's work out what we're going to do
Disembodied voices
Revealing what we know is true

And so much is here
If we all disappear

We could be anywhere

The reception was interesting too. Kerry - if you read this... There will be revenge for making Paul and I sing Nelly The Elephant during the karaoke...

Anyway, here's to Paul and Debbie. May they be happy for a very long time...