Will the real David Cameron please shut up, please shut up, please shut up...

I've always been suspicious of David Cameron. I am now officially sick of him.

One gimmicky, vomit-inducing speech and everyone thinks the sun shines from an impossible place.

And then there’s the incessant whingeing about Gordon Brown's non-election... So he didn't call an election. Oh dear - I didn't get the boat I wanted for Christmas when I was ten, and I didn't score a hundred last time I played cricket. I didn't go crying to a conveniently placed TV camera and make myself look like a whiny idiot in the best traditions of the Conservative playground ("It's not fair, mummy - the big boy took my policy on inheritance tax!")

It's up to the PM (right or wrong) to choose the date of the election. Personally, I support the Lib Dems in their bid to get the parliamentary term fixed (and therefore the date of every election fixed) so PMs can't call elections to suit their party's own interests, but as it stands, it is Gordon Brown's right to choose when to hold the election. He never said he was going to - everyone else interpreted it the way they wanted to and (in the case of some newspapers - as well as Mr Cameron) practically wet themselves with anticipation.

Never has the chance to lose something been so exciting to so many people. Well, not since the 80s, when Neil Kinnock was supposedly the nation's great hope...

And the speech...
"Two years ago I stood on this stage and I gave a speech, a short speech, about why I wanted to lead our Party. Today I want to make a speech about why I want to lead our Country.
I am afraid it is going to be a bit longer and I haven't got an autocue and I haven't got a script, I've just got a few notes so it might be a bit messy; but it will be me."

As Francis Wheen said on last Friday's news quiz, "Go to any school play and you see people speaking without an autocue. It's not that difficult, you just learn your lines..."

Fill an hour with electorate-pleasing promises that they'd no more fulfill than the Labour government would, some self-deprecating charm and the "viruoso" ability to walk AND talk at the same time (bravo) and you're no more impressive than Jim Davidson...

And I can't stand Jim Davidson.

Just because you can remember your lines, it doesn't mean you're fit to run a country. And its certainly not enough to win my vote.