Voting for ANYONE but Boris...

I am now able to vote on 1st May, so I am going to set out my stall now, in the hope that someone, anyone, will listen...

PLEASE DON'T VOTE FOR BORIS JOHNSON!

He is only popular because of novelty value, and is simply "doing a Cameron" and announcing populist ideas that either wouldn't work or would make things worse in London. As well as opposing environment-improving measures already in place and sharing George W. Bush's view on the Kyoto Protocol (which is selfish, ignorant and criminal, in my opinion - that's Boris, not the Kyoto Protocol...).

Just please, listen to reason. As whimsical and comic on Have I Got News For You as he may have been... and despite of as good an impression of a scarecrow as I've ever seen... Is he really the kind of person you want in charge? Even if you don't want Ken again, Boris is NOT the only alternative!

I would normally look to vote for the Lib Dems, if I'm honest. But this time, their candidate is awful. Essentially, they're fielding a single-issue candidate in Brian Paddick. All he knows is crime, being an ex-Met Police Commissioner. All I've heard him talk about is crime. Y-A-W-N.
But I'd rather he got in than Boris Johnson without question...

For me, the choice is between the Green Party and Left List (formerly part of the Respect Coalition)... and right now, the Greens have the best manifesto of the lot. Cuts to bus and tube fares, free insulation for every home that needs it, affordable housing and a higher minimum wage in the public sector.

All that's left after that is the pointless UKIP, the unspeakable BNP, the English Democrats (who?), and the groan-causing Christian Choice party.

The most bizarre statement I've heard so far is from Richard Barnbrook, the BNP candidate. He opposes the London 2012 Olympic Games, and says he would "offer them to Athens" should he win. Well, he won't. And what's more, he clearly doesn't understand how these things all work if he thinks he'd have that choice...

But please, don't vote for Boris... you won't be able to get rid of him after half an hour...

My Secret Life as a Goth Clown...

I have some smart shoes. Well, I think they're smart, and they're rather nice in my opinion. Bought, originally for my brother's wedding, in case you're wondering. I like them. They're comfy and they're fairly smart. I wore them to a job interview today, and they did the job - I suppose I might well have looked fairly smart.

I had an interview for a job at another government department, and it went OK - although I am the worst judge possible on things like this and I'm rarely right if I guess the outcome.

I really enjoyed it, actually, which worries the hell out of me. Its not right, is it? Interviews are ordeals, aren't they? I've never enjoyed an interview before, so I have no idea if its a good thing or not! The interview panel were all very nice and friendly, and seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying... and were just lovely about it all. I guess I'm just glad that they didn't ask me to define "diversity", like I was asked in my last one... My answer to that was so awful that it jeopardised my chances. Wasn't ignorant or rude or racist or anything - just dumb because I hadn't even though about that!

There was just one thing that bugged me. My shoes.

Lovely and comfy they may be, but they are an inch or two longer than my feet, and makes me look a bit like either a Goth Clown or someone who's just bought some shoes from a charity shop and these were the best fit they had..

Still, fingers crossed. I'll let you know what the job is and where it is when I find out the result.

Springer Case Dismissed by Lords

I am very pleased to hear this...

It should finally put an end to a ridiculous set of events surrounding Jerry Springer: The Opera.

It is just such a shame that Christian Voice have to be so flippin' patronising about it.

This is from the article linked above:

"Christian Voice called the decision an "ignoble move".

"It brings down the judgement of God on us all," said Stephen Green, national director of the evangelical lobby group.

"I love my neighbour and I do not want that to happen."

You love your neighbour enough not to credit them with enough intelligence to work out whether they find the show offensive for themselves? You love them so much that you're telling them that they should find it offensive, and if they don't then the warming coals of Beelzebub's fireplace will greet them in the afterlife?

You love them so much that you thought you'd drag this pathetic, holier-than-thou, anachronistic complaint out for over three years?

This is a controversial show, there's no doubt about it. When it was shown on BBC Two, it prompted 63,000 complaints from viewers. But this was mostly people complaining that it contained over 200 swearwords, not Christians complaining about the content.

Christian Voice complained that the show contained images that "vilify God and the Bible". Of course it does. It's a satirical show that deals with modern life as seen on the Jerry Springer show. You think they're all God-fearing, good-intentioned tea-totalers? Any joke that deals with religion would meet that statement. It doesn't mean that every joke is another nail in the coffin of humanity's future. Maybe it means that God can take a joke because he knows that its not everyone's opinion. And, well, it's just a joke.

If its that serious, why would He need you to take up the fight? I'm sure he could retaliate if He wanted to. Get down off your high horses and let someone else have a rant. You don't represent the whole of Christianity. And you certainly don't represent my "Christian voice". So pipe down.

Obama/Cameron, Cameron/Obama?

This is an interesting view of the debates in the US:
http://blogs.ft.com/rachmanblog/

And in particular, this paragraph catches me - and says what has been troubling me about what I've seen and heard - of both Barak Obama and David Cameron...:

"All this leaves me baffled. I have watched Mr Obama speak live; I have watched him speak on television; I have even watched his speeches set to music on a video made by celebrity supporters… But I find myself strangely unmoved – and this is disconcerting. It feels like admitting to falling asleep during Winston Churchill’s “fight them on the beaches” speech."

I'm afraid that its the same with both of them for me - I just am not moved by anything they do. Cameron in particular makes a grand entrance look like sneaking in via the back door under cover of darkness, and last week's Northern Rock debates simply seem to have proved that the Tories are just as adept as ever at rescuing defeat from the jaws of victory. George Osborn, the great Tory hope, seemed to think he was on to a dead cert, and then watched all the criticisms they threw at Darling and Brown just fade away making them look foolish. Don't get me wrong, Labour certainly didn't come out smelling of roses, and didn’t deserve to either - only the Lib Dems managed that - thanks to Vince Cable showing the bigger boys how they should have dealt with the situation.

But Obama seems to be the living embodiment of the phrase "all mouth, no trouser" - spouting meaningless phrases that somehow catch the imagination and mood of the baying fans that have fallen under his spell. If anyone doubts this, please explain to me what the phrases "the audacity of hope" and "we are the change we've been waiting for" actually either mean or do for the mood of the US... As Mr Rachman points out in the article linked above, it would only genuinely be audacious to run for president for reasons of despair... And the second one, urgh, I don't know.

As for David Cameron, I appreciate that making fun of the government at every step, and shoving fingers into every hole in policy at the first opportunity seems to be working at the moment. But you may have many, many more months to wait for an election, and we've seen before that this behaviour wears thin very easily with the public - and support follows rapidly.

I don't actually want Mr Cameron to win an election - I'd far rather see Titus Bramble in the next England football squad - but if he's serious about being a challenge to Labour, he needs to realise pretty quickly that being able to walk and talk without notes, and being able to come up with a few priceless playground insults will not be the deciding factor in an election.

And if last week was anything to go by, maybe they ought to check that the gift horse standing in front of them doesn't have a "Made In Troy" stamp somewhere on it…

God bless you, Mr President

During 1999 and the first half of 2000, I reckon I spent, on average, about 15-20 hours a week in a cinema, usually in the company of Jon Monkhouse. We'd roll up to the cinema at roughly 11 or 12 (an achievement for a pair of students...) clutching our unlimited passes and then spend the rest of the day watching films, routinely seeing three or four a day. And we saw some brilliant films in that time. We also saw some stunningly awful films (Down To You – I can picture Jon’s expression just at the mention of the title - and Frequency to name just two). When Nikki and I started working in London (in 2004), we took out unlimited passes again. This time, it was just for 1 or 2 films a week, but we picked our films, and saw some really good ones, with the occasional disappointment. Obviously, since Luke’s birth, our movie-going habits have been somewhat… restricted. I have no complaints – as I would far rather see Luke’s little face every day than any film, and I have yet to hear of a film to change my mind (no, not even Batman Begins changed my mind…), so I happily recline in my ignorance.

I am, along with any other potential signs of geekdom, completely unable to commit to being a film fan. And yet, that is what I am. But I don’t much care at the moment. I love films, I really do. But I have finally (and very, very belatedly) discovered The West Wing



Can TV get any better than this show? I’ve never seen something that had me hooked within minutes, caring about the characters enough to want to know more by the end of episode 1 and when I saw the season climax I was beside myself!

I suppose it does help that I have an interest in US politics, and that I like this kind of drama – something that is simultaneously unafraid to address proper, heavyweight issues (the first episode has a potential scandal with a White House staffer and a call girl, and within a few episodes a drug scandal breaks) use humour, and make sure we all understand that these are normal, everyday people going through something extreme every day.

It probably also helps that I’d love to do the job. I’d love to be one of the actors, obviously, but there’s a part of me that aspires to be that essential to the running of the country, and be under that kind of pressure. But its not my priority to get there – there are far, far more important than work, or a career (just as well, the way mine has stalled).

But as far as I am aware, The West Wing isn’t repeated on terrestrial TV… Channel 4, who originally broadcast the series, constantly and tediously repeat Friends and ER (and magnificently, Frasier) during the day, so why not this? The only way I have seen what I’ve seen is through begging and borrowing other people’s copies – downloading, in case you’re wondering, takes far far far too long on my humble little creaky laptop (donations gratefully received). I’d love it if Channel 4 starts repeating it other than on a digital channel that not everyone can receive… And if they’d start showing the Daily Show on the regular channel – shunting it to More4 is a waste and an insult – its better than anything we have on tv at the moment over here in terms of satire.

Opening A Vein

There was a time, years ago now, when I wanted - more than anything - to be an actor. I loved, and I still do love, the feeling of being on stage, of showing all those people gathered in front of you that you could be someone else, that you could make them laugh, appall them, shock, frighten, warm, comfort, sadden them, with just an action or a phrase.

There's a very good saying that Phil Hammond used on last Friday's News Quiz on BBC Radio 4: "Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put tomatoes in a fruit salad."

I don't know whether I was ever any good as an actor - I was certainly told that I was quite a few times, but confidence is a huge part of doing it. My confidence was always battered by a memory that is fast-attaining legendary status for its faliures. After all, it's all very well being able to recite Stanislavski's acting system, but being able to do it is far more valuable than knowing it.

But there was a moment - one of those moments that you know will affect how the rest of your life will go. It happened at school. I was in the sixth form (year 13 for those of you who are too young to remember proper school years...), and I was rehearsing for my A-Level drama practical exam. I'd chosen one of my favourite speeches from Shakespeare for my monologue piece - its in Much Ado About Nothing (my favourite Shakespeare...), when Benedick first believes that Beatrice loves him - in the Branagh film, it's the bit when he's wandering around the garden with a deckchair...

I knew the speech inside and out, I'd researched into it, I'd concentrated and worked on every inflection of every syllable, and worked out timings. I'd even begun blocking the scene. Then my teacher asked me what I was doing again. I told her. She stared at me as if I'd just accused her of eating students during detentions (she was, after all, big enough for that to be believable).
Her words have stayed with me ever since:

"You'll have to change it. You can't do Benedick - you don't look like a romantic hero."

Well, to me, that's the point of acting. If I was any good at all, it wouldn't matter one little bloody jot if I didn't look like a romantic-sodding-hero. If I didn't look like one, I could act like one and speak like one. I could BE one. But instead, I had to do the only soliloquy anyone ever remembers from Richard III. And I hated it. I like the play, and I thoroughly recommend the film version with Ian McKellen as Richard III, but I hated doing it. If there's one thing I was probably less suited to be than a romantic hero, I'd have guessed at murderous hunchback king... Still, I suppose I was lucky she didn't get me to be Othello...

It was that moment, when she said that preposterous, insulting sentence, that I decided that it wasn't for me. I was going to follow something I'd been doing for just a few months - writing. I wanted, instead of being on the stage speaking someone else's words - I wanted to be the person who'd put those words in the actor's mouths.

All Mysteries Solved...

Huge kudos must go to the artist, Mike. Have a look at his work: http://seemikedraw.wordpress.com/

Go on, you know you want to!

RIP Heath Ledger - and why I hate the British public

I'm shocked that Heath Ledger's dead.

OK, there are many many more things in life to be more bothered about for me, and sure - he wasn't the greatest actor the world has ever seen... But he wasn't a bad one, and he was certainly someone I enjoyed watching in films.

I recently saw "Two Hands" - one of the films that pushed him into Hollywood stardom. It's an Australian mobster film about a guy who gets the chance to do a little job for a local gangster (take $10,000 across town to someone). It goes wrong and the money is stolen. The rest of the film is about how he tries to get the money back to save his life, while evading the gangsters and getting the girl. There's a good sub-plot about the theives who got the original money, a moment during a bank job scene that made me snort with laughter and have to wipe drink off my computer screen, and an unexpected ending. Oh, and its got Rose Byrne as the lead female character (she can currently be seen in Damages on BBC1).

I was excited that he was playing the joker in the new Batman film, The Dark Knight - being a Batman fan, I was always going to be excited about the film, but there's something about the choice of Heath Ledger that seemed right - he was unexpected, possibly an inspired choice for it.

What makes me more sad is not just that I'd only just started to like him as an actor and really appreciate his work, but the kinds of comments that are being left on all the message boards I've seen in response to his death make me feel sick. The BBC's infamous "Have Your Say" one is awful, and makes me really ashamed to be from this country. There are, obviously, some people who go over the top with their messages about missing him, and not quite believing that they'll never see him in a film again. Other than that, it's full of cynical or jealous people, complaining about the fuss being made over someone who is, after all, “only an actor”. There are people suggesting that the fact that the majority of people commenting are women proves that he will be more missed for his looks than his talent (Oh, come on, we're not talking about Keanu Reeves, for god's sake, Ledger could act), that his death was a selfish act because it *could* have been suicide (nothing is sure yet)... But then there's this jewel of unmistakable wisdom:

"Like many others I had never heard of him and thought him to be Keith Ledger rather than Heath. So he played a gay cowboy in a recent film and was a passable actor. Now he is dead and some people will miss him. Quite why he has generated so much interest in death is something of a mystery."

Well why bother commenting on this then? If you know nothing about them, why even chance your arm by saying something so ignorant that it looks intentionally offensive?

But whether you think this is all pathetic or not, films, actors, novels, writers, characters, stories, plays, theatres, cinemas... they all mean an awful lot to a lot of people. Some of these things have mattered to people for centuries. They're escapism, fantasy, ambitions, comforts. All things to all men.

Heath Ledger was a good actor. He was also a rare thing these days - an film star who didn't particularly like all the limelight and the pressures of fame, and managed to keep himself out of the news for being drunk and punching photographers, or swearing at autograph hunters, or drink-driving. Or throwing phones at hotel staff.

People who dismiss the grief of fans are every bit as pathetic as they think the fans are. If not more. You try losing something that's comforted you while you're upset, made you laugh when you wanted to cry or made you believe in love again. I'm sure you'd greive too.

Until you get some compassion, you're all twats. With big mouths.

Superbad... Super bad?

I haven’t seen Superbad. I’ve heard a bit about it, and I want to have a look, but I’ve heard more bad comments than good, so I’m reluctant to spend any money to see it…

Two things more than anything worry me.

1, Total Film gave it 4/5 stars.

2, Adverts for the DVD release say that Empire magazine described it as the “funniest teen movie since American Pie”.

First reaction is, good Lord, is it really as lazy a comedy as American Pie? Don’t get me wrong, AP made me laugh throughout, but it did it by playing to the cheapest laughs they could find. That they spun that out for more movies neither surprised, shocked, or even interested me. It certainly caught something of the mood of the time, but let’s get this straight, it’s no Airplane or Blazing Saddles, is it? It broke no new ground, and said nothing new about anything. Except the sexual side of apple pies (How many chavs were admitted to hospital for burns treatment after trying to reproduce that scene with an apple pie from MacDonalds… I think we should all be told).

I know some of my friends are a lot better up on movies than me – so I’m appealing for some help! Is Superbad worth a watch? Or is it worth avoiding at all costs?

All opinions welcome!

Fa-La-La-La-La (What do you mean I'm a bit late for that?!)

Happy New Year, everyone... Welcome to my 2008...

Over the festive season, I’ve had a few chances to reacquaint myself with a few things I had forgotten.

Firstly, how lovely it is to experience Christmas with Nikki and Luke – truly the most amazing two people I have ever met, and wonderfully, the two people can share my life with. I had some lovely gifts, and couldn’t care less how much or little anyone spent, or how many gifts I received – the best bits for me is always seeing other people get presents.

Secondly, I FINALLY saw The History Boys by Alan Bennett thanks to BBC 2… And my love of Alan Bennett’s writing was completely re-awakened. I’ve re-read the script to The History Boys twice since seeing the film, and savoured so much that its made me want to turn back and try acting again… as well as begin to write again. Amazing what 90 minutes of sort-of sitting still can do to you. There were moments that made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, just like the first time I saw A Chip In The Sugar from the original Talking Heads series way back when I was 14 or 15, or when I first put on a tape of Beyond The Fringe. I’m so glad he’s still writing and making an impact – the world will be a far, far poorer place when he stops writing. No one has the same acute sense of detail, gentle or sensitive touch with tragedy or the same unassuming humour as him. I’ve always felt an affinity, a closeness to his words that I cannot and don’t really want to explain.

The reason I’ve always loved his writing – and why I love reading in general - is gloriously summed up by this line, spoken by Hector in The History Boys:


"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours."

Thirdly, the songwriting of Steve Earle. I love some country music – essentially people who try and do something interesting or different within the genre (the same could be true for any of my tastes in music). But his, I admit, isn’t particularly ground-breaking or new. It is, however, distinctive. There’s not many people who can write songs that assess the state of the nation as accurately and pointedly as he did in Amerika v.6.0 – which incidentally is on the same album, Jerusalem, which gained him as much notoriety as acclaim in the US and led to his behaviour being monitored by the security services over there because of the song John Walker’s Blues which tells the story of a young American who joins the jihad against the West - I’ll put the lyrics below, but the song rocks as well as makes your brain tick, so I highly recommend checking it out for yourself. The whole album is wonderful (if you can take alt.country).

Amerika v. 6.0 (The Best We Can Do)
(Steve Earle)

Look at ya
Yeah, take a look in the mirror
now tell me what you see
Another satisfied customer in the front of the line for the American dream
I remember when we was both out on the boulevard
Talkin' revolution and singin' the blues
Nowadays it's letters to the editor and cheatin' on our taxes
Is the best that we can do
Come on

Look around
There's doctors down on Wall Street
Sharpenin' their scalpels and tryin' to cut a deal
Meanwhile, back at the hospital
We got accountants playin' God and countin' out the pills
Yeah, I know, that sucks – that your HMO
Ain't doin' what you thought it would do
But everybody's gotta die sometime and we can't save everybody
It's the best that we can do

Four score and a hundred and fifty years ago
Our forefathers made us equal as long as we can pay
Yeah, well maybe that wasn't exactly what they was thinkin'
Version six-point-oh of the American way
But hey we can just build a great wall around the country club
To keep the riff-raff out until the slump is through
Yeah, I realize that ain't exactly democratic, but it's either them or us
And it's the best we can do

Yeah, passionely conservative
It's the best we can do

Conservatively passionate
It's the best we can do

Meanwhile, still thinkin'
Hey, let's wage a war on drugs
It's the best we can do
Well, I don't know about you, but I kinda dig this global warming thing...