The Ways of the Jungle

I do not claim to be a fashionable person, nor am I a considerably talented social observer. But I am a harrassed office worker in London, amongst other things. I have decided that I should keep a log of some of the rules, laws, annoyances etc that dominate my life as a reluctant commuter.

1.Unless you are an athlete or other sporty person, vests are not meant to be worn without something over the top.

2.The phrase "that's not a skirt, it's a belt", is not a compliment. Even when it's said by someone's dad. And it's usually accompanied by a grimace of disgust. There is a reason for this.

3.Baseball caps. Good idea in sunshine. But not when you are in a suit. Or it is cloudy.

4.Briefcases, I'm fairly sure, were not made to be used as battering rams.

5.Walking behind some people in London is like waiting to die.

6.Escalators only carry you up the stairs. You have to start walking once you reach the top.

7.Standing in front of empty seats is a VERY annoying habit.

8.If you watch some of the sharp-suited businessmen walking down Charing Cross Road, there is always one who studies female bottoms as they pass, and he is usually going to be the one who walks into the lamppost or stop traffic because they've just wandered out into the road. One day something will hit... (hopefully)

9.If you are going to make other people listen to what you've got on your personal stereo, make sure it's something good and not Girls Aloud...

10.People who are grinning maniacally at you on the train are probably not mad, and are probably not planning to fillet you like a big piece of Cod, they are probably just listening to Terry Wogan.

11.When did tracksuit bottoms become acceptable clothing to go out in?

12.Velour tracksuits. Why? And why is it always the larger people that wear them? Do they not realise what they look like? (OK, so stupid question...)

13.Deodorant is like gold dust on trains.

14.T-shirts and blazers. They don't go together. I mean, come on - even Busted got that right, and I... didn't really like them much.

15.People who read while they are walking, particularly in stations, are the ones who are likely to walk into someone or something. (I saw this a few weeks ago. And I am ashamed to say I felt rather smug...)

I will be back with more of these sometime!

Practicing to be a dad

Having no fingernails left after yesterday morning's tense finish to the 2nd Test Match at Edgbaston, I'm back at work and starting to feel some withdrawal symptoms! I've refound my love of cricket this summer (which had turned more into a vague passing interest in the last couple of years), which is something that Nik doesn't share, but she's brilliant, and happy for me to play in at the weekends (well, she says she is!).

I won't bother with the deep analysis of the game or anything because that'll be done to death, and I really don't think I have the knowledge to do it anyway!

The last week or two, since I last posted here, things have levelled off again after the drama of a couple of weeks back. Baby's getting hiccups, boogying along to Louis Armstrong songs and improving their kicks so much it sometimes look like they're trying to escape early - but not the conventional way!

I'm practicing becoming a dad, too. I'm making sure my "That's not a skirt, it's a belt", "Ask your mother" and "You're not going out dressed like that, are you?" are all top-notch... Obviously the judge of a good dad is how bad your jokes are, so at least I'll be ok there!

Anyway, I'm off to see the recording of a BBC Radio 4 show tonight, "Think The Unthinkable". Should be good!

One Scary Week...

I'm very glad last week is over.

Last Thursday I went to work as normal, just off Tottenham Court Road in Central London. I had to get home and wait for a parcel to arrive, so I was leaving early. My office is maybe 500 yards from Warren Street Tube Station.
Now before anyone jumps forward to a wrong conclusion, I wasn't anywhere near the attempted bombing at Warren Street - I'd already managed to get home by then, so all was well. In fact, I'd got home and switched on to enjoy the fantastic play of the first day of the test match by then, and only found out something had happened when there was a newsflash during the lunch interval...
When I'd checked Nikki was ok, I relaxed a bit - although it really bothered me that what happened in the city could have happened so close to my office.

So I settled back down to writing and checking my emails while keeping an eye on the news and the cricket. Then, at about 6.15 (it was during the break in the middle of the Simpsons), I got a phonecall from Nikki's mum to let me know that she'd taken Nik to Farnborough A&E. She'd gone into Anaphylactic Shock after eating some Tuna in Thai Sauce, and had been take down to A&E pretty quickly, so was in the right place in good time.

When I got there she was in Resuscitation (just in case her condition got worse, so they were in the right place to help). It was all rather scary - she was a bright red, like she'd been sunburnt all over, and the only place it hadn't reached was her feet. Her heart rate was extremely fast, and the blood pressure was pretty low. It was terrifying for me, so I really can't imagine what she was feeling!

She was moved to the Maternity ward, and kept in there overnight, with the baby being monitored every so often, just to check everything was well (it was - whenever the pads were strapped to Nikki, they moved around for a few seconds and then tried to push or kick the pads off!). Eventually, she was allowed to leave around 2.30ish on Friday afternoon.

That was a slight relief, and I was incredibly glad to get her home. I'd hardly slept at all the night before, and slept really quite well that night, I can tell you - and even better the night after playing cricket on Saturday (although I did have two beautiful bruises from the game - one covering the whole of my right thumb, and a nice round one on my stomach which went a great colour...!).

Scary few days. And what's scarier is that I really don't think its all over - the London thing especially, but I'll keep going and hope that Nikki can get off on Maternity Leave before anything else happens we could be caught up in...

The Ashes begin today!

Well, the moment that every right-minded cricket fan has been waiting for is finally here - the Ashes begin this morning at Lords.
I'm really looking forward to it - am cautiously hopeful too - although being a fan of English cricket means I'm not really allowed (or able) to be optimistic enough to believe we'll win the series or anything. What I am confident about is that we'll give them a good run for their money this time, and maybe even win a couple of the tests, but I'm just not sure we're experienced enough to take the series.
It's a shame, as I grew up when England were still good enough to win the ashes - I was 2 when Botham's "Miracle of Headingley" happened, and was only 8 the last time we won the ashes. But I'm more nervous of what the media is saying than anything else - they seem to be setting England up for a huge fall if they don't do any less than push Australia all the way - I mean, all the jibes about the Aussies being too old or over the hill... What more incentive do you need when you've been told you're too old to do something? Expect some big scores from Gilchrist and Ponting, as well as some great bowling from McGrath then...

But I am happy - it's something else to occupy my mind with!

While I stand still...

I'm getting used to things changing at the moment - a lot is happening in my life, and its left me in a bit of a spin. But I'm really enjoying the chances that are coming from all the change...
Its almost like I can rebuild my life to work the way it needs to from now on.
This means that some things need to change - and some things will fall to the wayside. It's a real shame that one of the items which has dropped has to be the youth work I've been doing with St John's and Christ Church.

I've loved doing it. The chance to pass on what (rather limited) wisdom I have and share my faith with others. It has been a pleasure being able to lead Questors and parts of Anvil Group. But I have to admit it took a lot out of me, while I had no spare time to get anything back. The result is that over the last few months, I've been doing a lot more than I should have been, and really began questioning my faith. I've been exhausted and drained in several ways - mentally, physically, spiritually, and really empty of enthusiasm. I don't mind admitting all of this, because I have the chance to move on and repair this damage. But I need a break, and that means I have stopped being part of youth work for now (with the exception of doing the occasional event/weekend).

It does feel like there's a rather large hole at the moment, and it really is difficult to come to terms with that. But I'll get there. I'm just a little subdued at the moment (doesn't help that I didn't get the job I interviewed for yesterday morning), and wondering where I can go now.

But there we go. While we stand still, the world moves round us faster than we can comprehend.

Back to work...

I struggle with what's happened in London.

I was vehemently against the Iraq war, and I didn't think going into Afghanistan (which was, after all an American quarrel) was the best of ideas for the UK. But I really can't see any angle from which these utterly cowardly attacks actually make a point.

I disagree firmly on many things Tony Blair and Ken Livingstone say and do, and don't exactly see either of them as the most sincere of polititians, but what both said on Thursday was spot on. Tony Blair spoke with passion and hurt - something you don't get to see from him very often. And Ken, if nothing else, says what he feels, and in this case, he spoke for all Londoners:

"...In the days that follow look at our airports, look at our sea ports and look at our railway stations and, even after your cowardly attack, you will see that people from the rest of Britain, people from around the world will arrive in London to become Londoners and fulfillil their dreams and achieve their potential.
They choose to come to London, as so many have come before because they come to be free, they come to live the life they choose, they come to be able to be themselves. They flee you because you tell them how they should live.
They don't want that and nothing you do, however many of us you kill, will stop that flight to our city where freedom is strong and where people can live in harmony with one another. Whatever you do, however many you kill, you will fail."

The last couple of days I have been reading the diary of one of the survivors (here), and wandering to and from Charing Cross in the mornings, its amazing to see the amount of people who have decided to abandon the tube, at least for the moment. When Nik and I went to see the recording of Dave Gorman's new radio series, Genius, last night (and it was very good - very funny) I had to take the tube to get there... I was slightly nervous, but I know that its fairly unlikely anything will happen at the moment - the security is far tighter at the moment, and people are very wary of people getting on and off the trains.

It was weird travelling though - I changed trains at Euston to go down to the Angel station, and there's only one station in between - King's Cross. It's closed at the moment, so we weren't stopping, but we slowed down, and as we passed through, the carriage went silent and most of the passengers looked up from what they were reading or looking at and stared out of the windows at the empty platform. It was a genuinely sad moment, and nothing was said.

I am pretty angry that people like the nutjobs that carried out the attack think that this is a valid way of getting a point across, that they have so little regard for human life, that they pevert a faith which teaches peace and love (like my own) to justify wreaking such havoc and pain on innocents. And I am one of the lucky people - I wasn't near enough to either be hurt or see anything first-hand.
The one thing I pray for, more than the people who did this are caught, is that this doesn't begin to a period of attacks on Muslims. They aren't to blame for this. Any anger should not be directed to them.

And to hear that the BNP have used a photo of the bombed bus in some election leaflets for a by-election in London makes me feel physically sick - its almost the same disregard the bombers had for the people of London. How can someone be so disrespectful and callous?

Two poems - part two

Again, doesn't need a great deal of explaining... It's written for Nikki and our baby.

A Firework Display

Miracles don't happen enough.
We hear this all the time,
and maybe sometimes we believe it,
sometimes we're tempted to ask,
to beg for more.
But it's not true.
Miracles are living with us,
breathing with us, falling with rain,
growing like plants, flowing through rivers.

Waking up takes effort,
while miracles rise with the sun.
Waiting for your own
takes patience, takes desire,
belief.
Waiting for new life
to emerge and enrich,
To teach you lessons and learn,
is lighting a firework and standing well back.

And every second of every day,
in every town on every continent,
this must happen - a fuse must be lit.
And every step back is a leap forward
with the universal,
the sacred.
Like lots of little lamps
being lit in the night,
the firework display begins.

Two poems - part one

This poem was written about the London bombings, on Thursday 7th July 2005. I don't think it needs much explaining, so I'll let it speak for itself.

The Altar Candles

Life can be stubbed out
like a candle on an altar.
But the altar has a life of it's own -
a constant flow,
a streaming queue of tapers
ready to replace the flames
with new ones.
There is always the sad wisps
from the quenched.
But there is always a match struck,
always a lighter flipped,
always a ready hand to
replace the lost.

And memory remains.
A swirling recall of lights
circling in the darkness,
living through what lingers.

A Quick Update

Just a few words to keep things up to date - the midwife appointment on Friday went really well - baby is wiggling around as much as ever, and is very healthy - the heartbeat is very strong and booming away at a good rate, their size seems to show the right growth rate for someone of their size and age, so everything is rather good - and Nik is still healthy, and by all accounts looking really good with it all - even on days when she doesn't feel it.

So things are fairly rosy in that department, and the stress of getting out of London from our offices on Thursday has quitened down - going back in to London will be an altogether new set of feelings, but its another story, and has to be done anyway.

Another week passes...

Another week passes - and the baby continues to wiggle around more than a bucket of worms.

The Stokke arrived the day after I posted the last message. And I was right, you know. It is fancy. So fancy that it took the two of us quite a while to put it all together and get the hang of just a few of the things it does... But it is very impressive.

And we now have some nice new furniture for me to put together (a wardrobe and chest of drawers)... So at least I won't get bored!

We have a midwife appointment on Friday afternoon, too, so I'll have another medical update on baby then... But all seems well - except for the fact that they seem to enjoy putting mummy through torture by sitting or lying in the wrong places, which means Nik's put through some really bad pain when they do it! When space runs out in there, I'm sure that the body has to adapt to cope with baby's demand, but this particular baby seems to want all the space it can get - and is happy to try and stretch mummy whichever way they can to get the space they want!

Daddy will have to have words, I guess... (!)