One October Night...

Well, 8 days on, and life has definitely changed (shockingly)!

Last Saturday was an awesome and scary experience. We woke fairly early, but had breakfast in bed - seeing as Nikki was ill at her desk the day before, we decided that the day should probably be approached slowly... I emerged from the shower clean and shaved to find a shocked Nikki standing next to the bed saying that she thought that her waters had broken. This was at about 12.15pm. We had to go and get her checked in hospital, as she wasn't having any contractions at the time, and we got there at about 3pm. She was examined and told that it was definitely her waters that had broken but she hadn't begun to dilate yet. While we were in the lift up to the hospital, she had the first contraction, and by about 5 I was phoning the labour ward to ask for a midwife to come round to help as Nikki was in so much pain (it was one of the more unusual phone calls - me trying to talk to the labour ward with Nikki screaming at the top of her lungs next to me).
When the midwife arrived at about 6, she warned us not to expect any miracles, and that there might still be a long way to go and examined Nikki. She was shocked to find out that Nikki was 4.5cm dilated, and things were looking like they were moving along quite fast. In the end, it moved faster than any of us realised - and with the second midwife arriving and hastily setting up equipment, but it almost wasn't fast enough! At 9.04pm, less than 5 hours after the first contraction, the very beautiful and as-yet-unnamed baby boy arrived into the world.

It was a surprisingly fast and (relatively) easy labour for Nikki, and she even got the home birth she wanted - the little man arrived with Nikki leaning on the side of the bath...

So here all the adventures begin. He's already a master Poo-maker, and has even now already conquered the tricky arts of feeding and sleeping - and has already managed to pee all over his clothes on several occasions while being changed. He has also already developed a rather good smug grin when you've just fixed the new nappy in place and he decides to go again... and he can burp to a top professional standard (daddy is, of course, very proud)...

And you know what? We've never been quite so tired (Nikki especially), but we've never been so happy either.

The Most Amazing Night...

Tonight, at about 9.05pm, Nikki gave birth to an 8lb baby boy. He is absolutely perfect, and I am sure I will write so much more over the coming weeks and months. But right now, if I turn round, I am greeted by the sight of Nikki asleep in the bed, and a beautiful little son in the basket next to her.
At the moment he remains nameless, but here are a couple of pictures to keep you happy!

Are YOU Ready?

This all came up when a friend of mine asked if they could test how ready I am for fatherhood. The test consisted of one question only. This question is number one below, and I have added a few more to make it a proper assessment. It’s certified by several examining boards, but they cannot find your exam papers, so they won’t be able to give you any marks. Have a go; see if you’re ready to be a dad!

Am I ready to be a dad?

An easy-to-do assessment of how ready you are to be a father. Play along and see how you do!

Do I have CDs that will make my children cringe when I play them?
a) Oh yes. Plenty.
b) maybe a couple.
c) Definitely not, I strictly listen to "trendy" chart pap.

Do I sigh when I find out that 12 year olds have lost their virginity while drunk?
a) Yes.
B) No.
c) Why should I? That's normal, isn't it?

Am I already dreaming of the nice things of being a dad, and desperately trying to ignore the bad things?
a) Definitely.
b) Nope, my feet are rooted to the ground.
c) There are no bad things. I’m going to get it pissed and then watch it choke on a spliff while I ride round on my stupidly tiny motorbike.

Have I practiced changing the nappies yet?
a) Nope.
b) Every day for at least an hour.
c) Only on the pets when I was drunk.

Is the most common thought you have about names for the baby?
a) No. I think about it, and have a few favourites, but I am not obsessed.
b) Are you kidding? I have notepads full of suggestions I carry with me!
c) I thought they already come with names...

Are you hoping to be there for the birth?
a) Yes, but I am scared I'll faint!
b) No. I will be there. I have bored everyone at work letting them know that the birth may be soon, so I may have to leave early that day…
c) Depends if I can use my ps2 at the same time.

Will you have a video camera with you to record the occasion?
a) No. I want to be part of things and might be needed to do something important.
b) Yes. It's our family heritage, and my duty.
c) If I can nick one in time.


Answers:

Mostly a's - you're ready to be a dad. Just the right amount of crackpot-logic and future embarrassment is stored in your mind to deal with situations with the casual use of the phrase "ask your mother". Ideally prepared.

Mostly b's - Oh dear. You'll probably chant ancient african birth rituals in the birth tee-pee in which your wife/partner/soulmate/spiritual connection has chosen to bring your poor offspring into the world. You will probably name them Rufus. Or Bangalore (because that's where you both "found yourselves").

Mostly c's - You are a chav. You will probably break up with the 12-year-old mother of your child next week, so what's the point in thinking about this? You should have been neutered at birth. With Burberry scissors if that would make it a little easier for you.

Shocking or just pathetic...?

Two things have really caught my attention recently - one is this, a debate which has been sparked off by the Alpha Course cinema advert which has just been launched, and the Christian Advertising Network's Christmas campaign (which I rather like, I have to admit). In turn, reading about this led me back (somehow) led me back to this - and the whole debate on the BBC's screening of Jerry Springer The Opera.

I hated the debate that rose out of the showing of it. I could see where many Christians were coming from, and that there is a certain amount of double-standards in the way that Christianity was treated in relation to other religions (ie. Christianity is seen rather more as "fair game" than other religions) but I don't see how that could be on the same level as some of the arguments that went on.

There's a commonly-held view that the church as a whole (let's forget about denominations and the rest of it for my rather vague purposes) is out of date, and desperately trying to convince the outside world that they are wrong, and what happens inside the church is what is right. Perhaps this isn't so unfair a statement than it first appears - and to my mind, the reaction of some Christians to the show demonstrated this to be true.

OK, so it can be offensive to sensitive people. I won't argue with that. But it is a show designed to shock. Stewart Lee (the writer) has had a good record on religious humour that is genuinely funny and incisive, not just the kind of joke that your minister begins his or her sermon with on a Sunday morning or needlessly shocking like some comics do these days - there's a point to what he says, and he questions sensibly as well as using flights of fancy.

There is always a risk when you get to religious humour - there's a very fine line to walk which usually means you either sacrifice a few people's sensitivity or any genuine humour. It's either going to be funny or shocking, and Jerry Springer - The Opera does both of these, and does them well. It is always the shows, comedians and the like which tread this line who become legendary - Bill Hicks, Peter Cook, Monty Python etc. They don't just influence comedy, they influence culture and the society's climate we live in. There's nothing wrong with challenging either the establishment or the beliefs of others, but challenging is different from insulting or discriminating against.

I hold the belief that religion is as much fair game for comedy as anything else in life. Whether I am right or wrong, I'll live the best life I can and leave the judging to the Big G. I'm also not particularly sensitive when it comes to comedy - not a great deal shocks me, and I really enjoyed JSTO, but I can distinguish between fiction and reality quite easily these days. I'm not sure why people have such a problem with having a sense of humour. I understand that not being able to not take everything totally seriously all the time is a) not healthy and b) going to drive you mad.

This, I believe, is as true for religion as anything else. If we think about it, a lot of what we do in churches is tradition - and some of it can look ridiculous (especially to "outsiders"). I read the Bible several times a week, and I take what I can from what I am reading, but I don't think laughing at the Bible is a crime for which people should be ex-communicated and burnt in the fires of hell. After all, being able to laugh at ourselves is something the British are supposed to be able to do rather well, and its pretty healthy for you I think. If a belief in God is part of who you are, then why shouldn't you laugh at that part of you as much as anyone else?
People who take the Bible utterly seriously and live by the exact word rather than the spirit is the kind of person who develops into a really picky referee. And yes, the clue to what type of person they are lies in the word fundamentalist. Mentalists.

Kapeesh?!

Back from the wilds

What a busy wee chappie I have been recently. I can hardly walk for the aching in my muscles...

In the last two weeks - Nikki and I have been to our first ante-natal classes - we've had two now in fact, and I've been down to the wonderful north coast of Cornwall.The ante-natal classes were fine - quite fun really. The first week we did a lot of getting-to-know-you stuff, which are usually cringeworthy and not very nice to go through, but these weren't too bad. We did some quizzes in small groups to see how much we already knew, and then talked about some of the practical things about babies- ie. poo and nappies.Week two was slightly less interactive - we talked about the birth, what happens, when it happens, and where the dads should stand if they feel like they're going to faint. Interestingly, it wasn't in the middle of the room so you could be looked after... We also did a bit on massage, and I've had to add massage to my list of duties now!

My trip to Cornwall was lovely, but too short for my liking, and in the end it was hard to keep paying attention in the class after having spent six hours previously on trains getting home from Cornwall in time! Aside from the journey it was nice to see the place again, and made sure that a lot of the worries I have had are pushed firmly into perspective once and for all! And of course, it gave me some lovely scenery to go and look at when I got too nervous to watch the last day of the test match on Monday! Next time I go, we'll be accompanied by a wonderful little poo machine! Still, at least it's a good excuse to start buying all those beach toys again!

Pip pip for now!

The Ways of the Jungle

I do not claim to be a fashionable person, nor am I a considerably talented social observer. But I am a harrassed office worker in London, amongst other things. I have decided that I should keep a log of some of the rules, laws, annoyances etc that dominate my life as a reluctant commuter.

1.Unless you are an athlete or other sporty person, vests are not meant to be worn without something over the top.

2.The phrase "that's not a skirt, it's a belt", is not a compliment. Even when it's said by someone's dad. And it's usually accompanied by a grimace of disgust. There is a reason for this.

3.Baseball caps. Good idea in sunshine. But not when you are in a suit. Or it is cloudy.

4.Briefcases, I'm fairly sure, were not made to be used as battering rams.

5.Walking behind some people in London is like waiting to die.

6.Escalators only carry you up the stairs. You have to start walking once you reach the top.

7.Standing in front of empty seats is a VERY annoying habit.

8.If you watch some of the sharp-suited businessmen walking down Charing Cross Road, there is always one who studies female bottoms as they pass, and he is usually going to be the one who walks into the lamppost or stop traffic because they've just wandered out into the road. One day something will hit... (hopefully)

9.If you are going to make other people listen to what you've got on your personal stereo, make sure it's something good and not Girls Aloud...

10.People who are grinning maniacally at you on the train are probably not mad, and are probably not planning to fillet you like a big piece of Cod, they are probably just listening to Terry Wogan.

11.When did tracksuit bottoms become acceptable clothing to go out in?

12.Velour tracksuits. Why? And why is it always the larger people that wear them? Do they not realise what they look like? (OK, so stupid question...)

13.Deodorant is like gold dust on trains.

14.T-shirts and blazers. They don't go together. I mean, come on - even Busted got that right, and I... didn't really like them much.

15.People who read while they are walking, particularly in stations, are the ones who are likely to walk into someone or something. (I saw this a few weeks ago. And I am ashamed to say I felt rather smug...)

I will be back with more of these sometime!

Practicing to be a dad

Having no fingernails left after yesterday morning's tense finish to the 2nd Test Match at Edgbaston, I'm back at work and starting to feel some withdrawal symptoms! I've refound my love of cricket this summer (which had turned more into a vague passing interest in the last couple of years), which is something that Nik doesn't share, but she's brilliant, and happy for me to play in at the weekends (well, she says she is!).

I won't bother with the deep analysis of the game or anything because that'll be done to death, and I really don't think I have the knowledge to do it anyway!

The last week or two, since I last posted here, things have levelled off again after the drama of a couple of weeks back. Baby's getting hiccups, boogying along to Louis Armstrong songs and improving their kicks so much it sometimes look like they're trying to escape early - but not the conventional way!

I'm practicing becoming a dad, too. I'm making sure my "That's not a skirt, it's a belt", "Ask your mother" and "You're not going out dressed like that, are you?" are all top-notch... Obviously the judge of a good dad is how bad your jokes are, so at least I'll be ok there!

Anyway, I'm off to see the recording of a BBC Radio 4 show tonight, "Think The Unthinkable". Should be good!

One Scary Week...

I'm very glad last week is over.

Last Thursday I went to work as normal, just off Tottenham Court Road in Central London. I had to get home and wait for a parcel to arrive, so I was leaving early. My office is maybe 500 yards from Warren Street Tube Station.
Now before anyone jumps forward to a wrong conclusion, I wasn't anywhere near the attempted bombing at Warren Street - I'd already managed to get home by then, so all was well. In fact, I'd got home and switched on to enjoy the fantastic play of the first day of the test match by then, and only found out something had happened when there was a newsflash during the lunch interval...
When I'd checked Nikki was ok, I relaxed a bit - although it really bothered me that what happened in the city could have happened so close to my office.

So I settled back down to writing and checking my emails while keeping an eye on the news and the cricket. Then, at about 6.15 (it was during the break in the middle of the Simpsons), I got a phonecall from Nikki's mum to let me know that she'd taken Nik to Farnborough A&E. She'd gone into Anaphylactic Shock after eating some Tuna in Thai Sauce, and had been take down to A&E pretty quickly, so was in the right place in good time.

When I got there she was in Resuscitation (just in case her condition got worse, so they were in the right place to help). It was all rather scary - she was a bright red, like she'd been sunburnt all over, and the only place it hadn't reached was her feet. Her heart rate was extremely fast, and the blood pressure was pretty low. It was terrifying for me, so I really can't imagine what she was feeling!

She was moved to the Maternity ward, and kept in there overnight, with the baby being monitored every so often, just to check everything was well (it was - whenever the pads were strapped to Nikki, they moved around for a few seconds and then tried to push or kick the pads off!). Eventually, she was allowed to leave around 2.30ish on Friday afternoon.

That was a slight relief, and I was incredibly glad to get her home. I'd hardly slept at all the night before, and slept really quite well that night, I can tell you - and even better the night after playing cricket on Saturday (although I did have two beautiful bruises from the game - one covering the whole of my right thumb, and a nice round one on my stomach which went a great colour...!).

Scary few days. And what's scarier is that I really don't think its all over - the London thing especially, but I'll keep going and hope that Nikki can get off on Maternity Leave before anything else happens we could be caught up in...

The Ashes begin today!

Well, the moment that every right-minded cricket fan has been waiting for is finally here - the Ashes begin this morning at Lords.
I'm really looking forward to it - am cautiously hopeful too - although being a fan of English cricket means I'm not really allowed (or able) to be optimistic enough to believe we'll win the series or anything. What I am confident about is that we'll give them a good run for their money this time, and maybe even win a couple of the tests, but I'm just not sure we're experienced enough to take the series.
It's a shame, as I grew up when England were still good enough to win the ashes - I was 2 when Botham's "Miracle of Headingley" happened, and was only 8 the last time we won the ashes. But I'm more nervous of what the media is saying than anything else - they seem to be setting England up for a huge fall if they don't do any less than push Australia all the way - I mean, all the jibes about the Aussies being too old or over the hill... What more incentive do you need when you've been told you're too old to do something? Expect some big scores from Gilchrist and Ponting, as well as some great bowling from McGrath then...

But I am happy - it's something else to occupy my mind with!

While I stand still...

I'm getting used to things changing at the moment - a lot is happening in my life, and its left me in a bit of a spin. But I'm really enjoying the chances that are coming from all the change...
Its almost like I can rebuild my life to work the way it needs to from now on.
This means that some things need to change - and some things will fall to the wayside. It's a real shame that one of the items which has dropped has to be the youth work I've been doing with St John's and Christ Church.

I've loved doing it. The chance to pass on what (rather limited) wisdom I have and share my faith with others. It has been a pleasure being able to lead Questors and parts of Anvil Group. But I have to admit it took a lot out of me, while I had no spare time to get anything back. The result is that over the last few months, I've been doing a lot more than I should have been, and really began questioning my faith. I've been exhausted and drained in several ways - mentally, physically, spiritually, and really empty of enthusiasm. I don't mind admitting all of this, because I have the chance to move on and repair this damage. But I need a break, and that means I have stopped being part of youth work for now (with the exception of doing the occasional event/weekend).

It does feel like there's a rather large hole at the moment, and it really is difficult to come to terms with that. But I'll get there. I'm just a little subdued at the moment (doesn't help that I didn't get the job I interviewed for yesterday morning), and wondering where I can go now.

But there we go. While we stand still, the world moves round us faster than we can comprehend.